Now that the miscarriage is well behind us...as in, life has continued forward at that break neck pace that comes with a growing toddler leaving me with just little snatches here and there in my days to contemplate what was lost, I've had this growing sense of the sacrifice it is to my one child to add another.
That's NOT to say that I'm seriously considering only ever having one child. By no means! I don't know what it is, evolutionary predilection of a species to want to produce in large numbers in times of plenty (which surely modern life qualifies), or the fact that I'm obsessed with birth and babies and want the chance to experience all of that again in this calmer, more observant place at which I now sit. Whatever it is, there's just no way I'd ever consider K to be my first AND last child. But, he IS my only child for the moment, and I'm ever more conscious of how much I give him, how much of me he takes, and what little there is left over for myself...much less another child!
A lot of people talk about the 'gifting' of a sibling to their first child. As though they're having a second simply to provide a playmate for their first. Which, is not a good reason. (or so I think) And, while I did, while pregnant with this past baby, think often of how great the two of them would get along, and how much my first WOULD enjoy the addition of a second, it was never a primary reason to have a second. Nor should it have been, because, as I see very clearly now, the addition of a second to a family structured such as ours is only taking AWAY something from the first and giving back very little in return.
Yes, there might be a time when they were playmates, and social skills developed more easily, or when the various 'mom'/parenting moments of the day seemed more 'fun' because of the dynamic of two children rather than one, but, mostly, I'd be draining away a good deal of my time away from my first.
Obviously, this isn't a horrible thing in my mind. There comes a time in every child's life when they can't have Mother around all the time, obviously. But, I wonder at the forcing of it. But, then what's the option, wait until my child avidly asks me for a sibling? Wait until he's grown and no longer needs much of my time? I don't have any answers because it's not really a thing I'm actually contemplating that hard. Given the right timing, yes, I'd have another right this moment, but while I'm waiting, I've been noticing....
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Fevers: A Personal Revelation
Last night, I was led to bed by my awakened (nearly!) 3 year old who was begging for more cuddles in the 'big' bed. Cuddling close to one another, I realized with a bit of surprise that he was feverish. Now, having been a mother for the whole course of his life, I will say that this particular fever bout was one of the mildest sorts...but it still made me think how much I've grown into my role of a stand-back parent. The sort that lets nature occur as it will with only the slightest nudges when appropriate or desired. Meaning that when a fever comes knocking, I just wait and watch and push the liquids.
Fevers are one of those things that we grow up to think are awful, horrible, scary signs of illness that should be smothered down to 'acceptable' ranges of human body temperature with all sorts of immune suppressing medications. Or, at least, that's how I was generally raised. My mother would get all sorts of anxious whenever one of us would show signs of a fever, and, rightly so, we always felt AWFUL whenever one of us was suffering with one, so it made sense that somehow this thing....this FEVER was dangerous and should be cause for alarm.
Of course, now that I've come to know what I know, and think what I think, I realize that fevers are GOOD. The body is fighting off infection...the body is waging war against some foreign invader that it perceives as a threat and the battle is so intense that it's creating excess body heat. (or, something like that) This is GOOD because it means that the body's defenses are reacting appropriately...that the body has taken charge of the situation, and given the extra rest and fluids to keep away dehydration will more often than not come out the victor. It's what our immune system is supposed to do and, believe it or not, it's very successful. After all, we've survived millenia as a species.
As a mother, my role is to watch. To be aware of a fever when it presents and then to wait and watch. I try to keep us home, and entertain the boy with games and diversions that are easy on the body and involve lots of extra cuddles. I keep his water cup constantly re-filled and urge him to drink more, and do little else to signify that anything at all is 'wrong' with him. Occasionally, his appetite is also gone and then I cook up a bit of homemade bone broth and brown rice, or we make slushy smoothies out of fresh fruit for an extra vitamin C boost. But, nothing excessive. Nothing to let him know that I think he's in 'danger' or that I'm any more 'aware' of him than when he's perfectly healthy and bounding around like a mad man.
Now, there have been some fevers in the past that were excessive. I can think of two that had me very concerned to the level that I was unable to sleep through the night. In one case, we ended up needing a antibiotic shot the next day after the illness itself presented with a very disgustingly bloody eye and a fever that had raged for far beyond my comfort level. Still, even in that case, I'm thankful we waited as long as we did and treated it as normal for as long as we could because we were lucky enough that the illness (a version of conjunctivitis) was easily identifiable to the doctor and not yet life threatening, something we were praised for by the doctor.
The second case of fever died off on its own but I did intervene with one dosage of children's Tylenol after the poor boy became flushed all over his body and the fever had raged at an 'uncomfortable' feel to me for much longer than I could relax through. Or, and this is important to mention, more than the boy himself seemed comfortable with. After the one dosage, the fever continued for another day or two, but at a less concerning level and we were able to wait it out.
When I realized that we were in our latest run in with 'fever', I was pleased to see how little concern it arose in me. How confident I was in the boy's ability to fight off whatever it was without my intervening. It's something worth writing about ;-)
Fevers are one of those things that we grow up to think are awful, horrible, scary signs of illness that should be smothered down to 'acceptable' ranges of human body temperature with all sorts of immune suppressing medications. Or, at least, that's how I was generally raised. My mother would get all sorts of anxious whenever one of us would show signs of a fever, and, rightly so, we always felt AWFUL whenever one of us was suffering with one, so it made sense that somehow this thing....this FEVER was dangerous and should be cause for alarm.
Of course, now that I've come to know what I know, and think what I think, I realize that fevers are GOOD. The body is fighting off infection...the body is waging war against some foreign invader that it perceives as a threat and the battle is so intense that it's creating excess body heat. (or, something like that) This is GOOD because it means that the body's defenses are reacting appropriately...that the body has taken charge of the situation, and given the extra rest and fluids to keep away dehydration will more often than not come out the victor. It's what our immune system is supposed to do and, believe it or not, it's very successful. After all, we've survived millenia as a species.
As a mother, my role is to watch. To be aware of a fever when it presents and then to wait and watch. I try to keep us home, and entertain the boy with games and diversions that are easy on the body and involve lots of extra cuddles. I keep his water cup constantly re-filled and urge him to drink more, and do little else to signify that anything at all is 'wrong' with him. Occasionally, his appetite is also gone and then I cook up a bit of homemade bone broth and brown rice, or we make slushy smoothies out of fresh fruit for an extra vitamin C boost. But, nothing excessive. Nothing to let him know that I think he's in 'danger' or that I'm any more 'aware' of him than when he's perfectly healthy and bounding around like a mad man.
Now, there have been some fevers in the past that were excessive. I can think of two that had me very concerned to the level that I was unable to sleep through the night. In one case, we ended up needing a antibiotic shot the next day after the illness itself presented with a very disgustingly bloody eye and a fever that had raged for far beyond my comfort level. Still, even in that case, I'm thankful we waited as long as we did and treated it as normal for as long as we could because we were lucky enough that the illness (a version of conjunctivitis) was easily identifiable to the doctor and not yet life threatening, something we were praised for by the doctor.
The second case of fever died off on its own but I did intervene with one dosage of children's Tylenol after the poor boy became flushed all over his body and the fever had raged at an 'uncomfortable' feel to me for much longer than I could relax through. Or, and this is important to mention, more than the boy himself seemed comfortable with. After the one dosage, the fever continued for another day or two, but at a less concerning level and we were able to wait it out.
When I realized that we were in our latest run in with 'fever', I was pleased to see how little concern it arose in me. How confident I was in the boy's ability to fight off whatever it was without my intervening. It's something worth writing about ;-)
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
How Doctor's Die
My partner found, and forwarded, this interesting post to me concerning how doctors die. Or, more specifically, how doctors choose to turn down many of the invasive "life-saving" options when faced with their own preeminent deaths.
The article makes the claim that many doctors know far too well that many of the tactics available to those faced with news of an impending death are painful, dehumanizing, and (often) thought of as worse than death by their patients. So, doctors take their knowledge of the medical technology available, the realistic quality of life expectations gained by interventions and often choose to wait out their own deaths within the peace and calm of their own homes and family with orders to avoid resucitation, or life support at all costs. They then go on to die in relative comfort having turned down many of the very things they would ordinarily suggest or actually DO to their own patients.
I found it very interesting, and it was a wake up call for my partner that when we concern ourselves with pregnancy and birth and the naturalness of it that does not call for it to take place within the medical community (more often than not). We are also calling attention to the medical community in general and MANY of the practices currently in use that are not called for and would not be chosen if people were EDUCATED about their options and the possible results of each choice. In realistic terms.
For example, I wish that every woman who gets anxious about 'waiting for labor' and agrees to a doctor's suggestion of induction KNEW the story of my doula client who literally suffered in a fevered haze for over 36 hours before finally becoming yet another (unwarranted) C-section case that had life-altering reproductive implications upon her future. But, unless they want to dig up that information, it's not there. The doctors certainly aren't sitting down their clients and spelling out in very layman's terms the risks imposed by the very nature of birthing in a medical environment. They certainly aren't making it clear that their priority is liability FOLLOWED by patient's health!
All very disturbing, and interesting to see that many doctors DO realize the base philosophy of enough is enough. There's a point at which we don't meddle because it's worse in the sense of quality of life if we do. And, that given the choice, one would ultimately choose to live their life to the fullest...not to the longest, most bitter end.
You can find the aforementioned post here,
http://zocalopublicsquare.org/thepublicsquare/2011/11/30/how-doctors-die/read/nexus/
The article makes the claim that many doctors know far too well that many of the tactics available to those faced with news of an impending death are painful, dehumanizing, and (often) thought of as worse than death by their patients. So, doctors take their knowledge of the medical technology available, the realistic quality of life expectations gained by interventions and often choose to wait out their own deaths within the peace and calm of their own homes and family with orders to avoid resucitation, or life support at all costs. They then go on to die in relative comfort having turned down many of the very things they would ordinarily suggest or actually DO to their own patients.
I found it very interesting, and it was a wake up call for my partner that when we concern ourselves with pregnancy and birth and the naturalness of it that does not call for it to take place within the medical community (more often than not). We are also calling attention to the medical community in general and MANY of the practices currently in use that are not called for and would not be chosen if people were EDUCATED about their options and the possible results of each choice. In realistic terms.
For example, I wish that every woman who gets anxious about 'waiting for labor' and agrees to a doctor's suggestion of induction KNEW the story of my doula client who literally suffered in a fevered haze for over 36 hours before finally becoming yet another (unwarranted) C-section case that had life-altering reproductive implications upon her future. But, unless they want to dig up that information, it's not there. The doctors certainly aren't sitting down their clients and spelling out in very layman's terms the risks imposed by the very nature of birthing in a medical environment. They certainly aren't making it clear that their priority is liability FOLLOWED by patient's health!
All very disturbing, and interesting to see that many doctors DO realize the base philosophy of enough is enough. There's a point at which we don't meddle because it's worse in the sense of quality of life if we do. And, that given the choice, one would ultimately choose to live their life to the fullest...not to the longest, most bitter end.
You can find the aforementioned post here,
http://zocalopublicsquare.org/thepublicsquare/2011/11/30/how-doctors-die/read/nexus/
Monday, December 5, 2011
Holistic Midwifery Arrived!
Today 'Solstice' came early for me, with a much anticipated parcel containing Anne Frye's Holistic Midwifery Volume 1. Yay! I'm super excited to thoroughly read it whenever enough moments of quiet come my way.
I've been studying...as mentioned before, but with Solstice and my son's birthday fast approaching, I'm finding that my sewing/knitting basket is overfilled with half-finished projects that demand large chunks of what free time I do get. I would say that I'm still averaging an hour or two a night though...which is pretty decent considering I have no end date, and no conception of how long this self-motivation "just do it" approach must last before I find the time is right for an apprenticeship.
Before I received this textbook, I stumbled upon a few sites of interest,
*A Fetal/Embryological development site that's just amazing!
http://www.visembryo.com/baby/index.html
*An online textbook for nurses concerning prenatal care and birth.
http://www.brooksidepress.org/Products/Obstetric_and_Newborn_Care_1/Index.htm
Enjoy!
I've been studying...as mentioned before, but with Solstice and my son's birthday fast approaching, I'm finding that my sewing/knitting basket is overfilled with half-finished projects that demand large chunks of what free time I do get. I would say that I'm still averaging an hour or two a night though...which is pretty decent considering I have no end date, and no conception of how long this self-motivation "just do it" approach must last before I find the time is right for an apprenticeship.
Before I received this textbook, I stumbled upon a few sites of interest,
*A Fetal/Embryological development site that's just amazing!
http://www.visembryo.com/baby/index.html
*An online textbook for nurses concerning prenatal care and birth.
http://www.brooksidepress.org/Products/Obstetric_and_Newborn_Care_1/Index.htm
Enjoy!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Brewer Pregnancy Diet
It's sometimes hard for me to know what to write on here. In my head, it's all a massive jumble of extraneous birth/pregnancy knowledge and questions and there's really not much in the way of a formulated beginning and end. So, when thinking of what topic to write upon, I often find myself just going with the first thing that pops into my head and belongs on this blog through any minute connection. So bear with me.
This past Thursday, in my midwifery 101 course with Gloria Lemay, we discussed the ever-important topic of high blood pressure in pregnancy. Now, I've never experienced this...nor have I actually KNOWN anyone who has struggled with this problem, but I've heard the horror stories. The high BP that very rapidly becomes pre-eclampsia followed by prolonged hospital stays, failed inductions, and eventually the dreaded (and probably unnecessary given what I have to say further on) C-section. I certainly wouldn't wish this problem on anyone, but being a firm believer in preventative care and the power of proper nutrition, I just have to add my two cents.
High BP may very well come about in a pregnancy no matter what the woman does to prevent it, but while the prevailing theory of thought among the medical community is that such a thing cannot be treated outside of removal of the placenta (and therefore the baby), I (and many others more informed than myself) believe that the same measures that may help to prevent pre-E and high BP may also help to "cure" it or at least keep it at bay long enough to allow further fetal development and or the natural initiation of labor.
There was a man, named Dr. Brewer, who spent over 50 years of his life devoted to the study of maternal nutrition and the resulting outcome of pregnancies. In layman's terms, Dr. Brewer was one of the first to realize that high BP tended not to result in women of wealthy income, while it was a common complaint amongst the underprivileged. Further pinpointing the cause of this difference, Dr. Brewer realized the importance of certain components of a prenatal diet such as high intake of protein, butters and other natural fats, and salt. He determined that nutritional was of significance for every pregnant woman and felt that it was a birth worker's responsibility to educate their clients in the importance of proper nutrition. He also found that his diet worked both to "cure" high BP and the problems caused by it in pregnancy, AND to prevent the same problems. He is directly responsible for determining that "inadequate prenatal nutrition has predictable obstetrical and neonatal consequences that matter for mother and baby." (1)
One of the reasons why I love the Bradley Childbirth Education classes is because the Brewer prenatal diet plays a large part in each class. You are given a worksheet to fill in each week that makes it easy to keep track of grams of protein, the amount of orange veggies, and butter servings, ect... Each week, the facilitator of the class will help you to examine your nutritional intake and suggest areas you might try to improve as well as provide examples of complimentary foods of which you may not be aware. It's great! and one of the easiest ways to protect yourself from a wide variety of prenatal complaint not the least of which is high BP.
To quote Dr. Brewer,
"Research done over the past fifty years [as of 1983], including some of my own, has made it increasingly clear that if the mother's diet is inadequate in any of several different ways, these difficulties may result:
To simplify the diet extremely for the shortening of this post, Dr. Brewer suggests a diet high in protein. The idea being that the amino acids necessary for putting together a baby all must come from the body's breakdown of protein. Protein being a nutritional need found only in food. The suggested intake is 80-100 g, which many women will find is significantly higher than their ordinary consumption and does take some dietary adjustments.
The diet also encourages a "Liberal" usage of salt. Note: that's NOT to taste...salt, particularly quality Celtic Salt rich in trace minerals is GOOD for the pregnant body as it facilitates the increase of blood volume necessary in a healthy pregnancy. It can also keep down edema (swelling) and if one is suffering from problems of this sort an increase in salt intake can significantly help.
Another significant factor in the Brewer diet is the increase in overall calories to 2500-3000/ day. Along with a focus on healthy fats/oils .
There is worlds to say about this diet and the transformative effect it can have on any pregnancy but I'll save that for other posts and leave you with some wonderful links that probably do a better job explaining than I ever could. Please do peruse them and let me know what you think!
Nutritional Checklists (often printable):
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/brewer-diet-checklists/brewer-diet-basic-plan-checklist/
http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id89.html
Facts of the Diet:
http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id96.html
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/healthy-pregnancy/brewer-diet-for-healthy-pregnancy/
http://livingawholelife.blogspot.com/2009/08/brewer-pregnancy-diet.html
http://www.bradleybirth.com/Diet.aspx
This past Thursday, in my midwifery 101 course with Gloria Lemay, we discussed the ever-important topic of high blood pressure in pregnancy. Now, I've never experienced this...nor have I actually KNOWN anyone who has struggled with this problem, but I've heard the horror stories. The high BP that very rapidly becomes pre-eclampsia followed by prolonged hospital stays, failed inductions, and eventually the dreaded (and probably unnecessary given what I have to say further on) C-section. I certainly wouldn't wish this problem on anyone, but being a firm believer in preventative care and the power of proper nutrition, I just have to add my two cents.
High BP may very well come about in a pregnancy no matter what the woman does to prevent it, but while the prevailing theory of thought among the medical community is that such a thing cannot be treated outside of removal of the placenta (and therefore the baby), I (and many others more informed than myself) believe that the same measures that may help to prevent pre-E and high BP may also help to "cure" it or at least keep it at bay long enough to allow further fetal development and or the natural initiation of labor.
There was a man, named Dr. Brewer, who spent over 50 years of his life devoted to the study of maternal nutrition and the resulting outcome of pregnancies. In layman's terms, Dr. Brewer was one of the first to realize that high BP tended not to result in women of wealthy income, while it was a common complaint amongst the underprivileged. Further pinpointing the cause of this difference, Dr. Brewer realized the importance of certain components of a prenatal diet such as high intake of protein, butters and other natural fats, and salt. He determined that nutritional was of significance for every pregnant woman and felt that it was a birth worker's responsibility to educate their clients in the importance of proper nutrition. He also found that his diet worked both to "cure" high BP and the problems caused by it in pregnancy, AND to prevent the same problems. He is directly responsible for determining that "inadequate prenatal nutrition has predictable obstetrical and neonatal consequences that matter for mother and baby." (1)
One of the reasons why I love the Bradley Childbirth Education classes is because the Brewer prenatal diet plays a large part in each class. You are given a worksheet to fill in each week that makes it easy to keep track of grams of protein, the amount of orange veggies, and butter servings, ect... Each week, the facilitator of the class will help you to examine your nutritional intake and suggest areas you might try to improve as well as provide examples of complimentary foods of which you may not be aware. It's great! and one of the easiest ways to protect yourself from a wide variety of prenatal complaint not the least of which is high BP.
To quote Dr. Brewer,
"Research done over the past fifty years [as of 1983], including some of my own, has made it increasingly clear that if the mother's diet is inadequate in any of several different ways, these difficulties may result:
To simplify the diet extremely for the shortening of this post, Dr. Brewer suggests a diet high in protein. The idea being that the amino acids necessary for putting together a baby all must come from the body's breakdown of protein. Protein being a nutritional need found only in food. The suggested intake is 80-100 g, which many women will find is significantly higher than their ordinary consumption and does take some dietary adjustments.
The diet also encourages a "Liberal" usage of salt. Note: that's NOT to taste...salt, particularly quality Celtic Salt rich in trace minerals is GOOD for the pregnant body as it facilitates the increase of blood volume necessary in a healthy pregnancy. It can also keep down edema (swelling) and if one is suffering from problems of this sort an increase in salt intake can significantly help.
Another significant factor in the Brewer diet is the increase in overall calories to 2500-3000/ day. Along with a focus on healthy fats/oils .
There is worlds to say about this diet and the transformative effect it can have on any pregnancy but I'll save that for other posts and leave you with some wonderful links that probably do a better job explaining than I ever could. Please do peruse them and let me know what you think!
Nutritional Checklists (often printable):
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/brewer-diet-checklists/brewer-diet-basic-plan-checklist/
http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id89.html
Facts of the Diet:
http://www.drbrewerpregnancydiet.com/id96.html
http://www.blueribbonbaby.org/healthy-pregnancy/brewer-diet-for-healthy-pregnancy/
http://livingawholelife.blogspot.com/2009/08/brewer-pregnancy-diet.html
http://www.bradleybirth.com/Diet.aspx
Friday, December 2, 2011
Moving
Per usual, our little family is in the midst of the chaos of choosing a new 'home'. I'm not exactly sure what our deal is, but for the past two...nearly three! (omg!) years, we've seldom lived longer than a few months in any one location. We've traveled across the country and back again three times, we've lived everywhere from the tropics of Hawaii and Puerto Rico to the bitter cold of New Hampshire in later winter. And, somehow, nothing sticks.
The idea, when we started this journey so long ago was that we had nothing tying us to our (then) present location...we were free to pack up the car and abandon the usual path of life and find 'home'. Since then, 'home' has become this word that is sort of revered. We have put SO much meaning into the word, so many expectations of what the perfect community will be like, that I'm beginning to think it just doesn't exist. And, in the meantime, life is flying by at an ever faster pace, and there doesn't seem to be much hope of suddenly stumbling upon wherever it is that we're meant to be living happily.
As it happens, we jointly hate our current location. It was an arrangement chosen under circumstances that urged us to choose rashly, and now we fervently wish to live elsewhere...any place else really. Our lease is up in two months, and we'll have to do something. The problem is that we just can't pick where. I know, that's probably not something most people complain about...or can even imagine BEING a problem. But, trust me, if you're in a constant state of relocation for three years, you'll eventually run out of places that seem worth the move and expense.
It's become something of an issue for my partner and I. Neither of us is happy here, and its near impossible to pick a next location, so we're both in grumpy moods whenever the topic of "where to next, honey?" comes up...which, lately, seems to be nightly. I'm beginning to think I should just make a list of where I'd live in reasonable peace, close my eyes, and point!
To make it all more difficult, we're a car-less family. Currently, we're enjoying the gift of my mother-in-law's car for a brief period of time because otherwise we'd surely die from boredom, but we do hope to return to car-less living at our next home site. I never really enjoy driving, although I DO enjoy the freedom it provides, but lately, it's grown even more tiresome and annoying and hardly seems worth the expense of buying our own car and then maintaining it. So, when we look for a new location, we have to factor in that we need walkability...walkability with a three year old in mind. In the middle of winter...
Yes, now you begin to see the problem. And, we need it close because money is a factor this go around and we'd rather not give up all the furniture ect... we had to buy for this current location. And, we need some manner of people we would get along with or we will truly go insane...which means folks who fall a bit outside the box...if there's ever a chance of having another child, then I need a local birth community that is active and quite comfortable with homebirth/unassisted birthing. If we are to keep our son happy, then there must also be a community of parents who raise their children without the assistance of traditional schooling. If my partner is to be happy, then we need a community of people who fall under the title of 'radical'. If I am to remain at home with my children and not feel shut-in, then I need a community where the right sort of parents actually DO things with one another...and it would be nice to have a local vibe of creativity/ eclecticism.
Do you see now?
And I haven't even BEGUN to list all the things like proximity to parks, libraries, ect...
So, good luck to us in these next two months as we try to figure out the 'next' place!
The idea, when we started this journey so long ago was that we had nothing tying us to our (then) present location...we were free to pack up the car and abandon the usual path of life and find 'home'. Since then, 'home' has become this word that is sort of revered. We have put SO much meaning into the word, so many expectations of what the perfect community will be like, that I'm beginning to think it just doesn't exist. And, in the meantime, life is flying by at an ever faster pace, and there doesn't seem to be much hope of suddenly stumbling upon wherever it is that we're meant to be living happily.
As it happens, we jointly hate our current location. It was an arrangement chosen under circumstances that urged us to choose rashly, and now we fervently wish to live elsewhere...any place else really. Our lease is up in two months, and we'll have to do something. The problem is that we just can't pick where. I know, that's probably not something most people complain about...or can even imagine BEING a problem. But, trust me, if you're in a constant state of relocation for three years, you'll eventually run out of places that seem worth the move and expense.
It's become something of an issue for my partner and I. Neither of us is happy here, and its near impossible to pick a next location, so we're both in grumpy moods whenever the topic of "where to next, honey?" comes up...which, lately, seems to be nightly. I'm beginning to think I should just make a list of where I'd live in reasonable peace, close my eyes, and point!
To make it all more difficult, we're a car-less family. Currently, we're enjoying the gift of my mother-in-law's car for a brief period of time because otherwise we'd surely die from boredom, but we do hope to return to car-less living at our next home site. I never really enjoy driving, although I DO enjoy the freedom it provides, but lately, it's grown even more tiresome and annoying and hardly seems worth the expense of buying our own car and then maintaining it. So, when we look for a new location, we have to factor in that we need walkability...walkability with a three year old in mind. In the middle of winter...
Yes, now you begin to see the problem. And, we need it close because money is a factor this go around and we'd rather not give up all the furniture ect... we had to buy for this current location. And, we need some manner of people we would get along with or we will truly go insane...which means folks who fall a bit outside the box...if there's ever a chance of having another child, then I need a local birth community that is active and quite comfortable with homebirth/unassisted birthing. If we are to keep our son happy, then there must also be a community of parents who raise their children without the assistance of traditional schooling. If my partner is to be happy, then we need a community of people who fall under the title of 'radical'. If I am to remain at home with my children and not feel shut-in, then I need a community where the right sort of parents actually DO things with one another...and it would be nice to have a local vibe of creativity/ eclecticism.
Do you see now?
And I haven't even BEGUN to list all the things like proximity to parks, libraries, ect...
So, good luck to us in these next two months as we try to figure out the 'next' place!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
State Birth Certificate
There was an interesting thread that developed the other night on a forum I often frequent concerning Unassisted Birth and choosing to forego a standard, state-issued birth certificate. Now, social security # questions often come up, because it's not particularly life-affecting to your child if you wait on it and let him or her make the decision later in life. Not to mention, enough people don't have one that there are various (difficult and time-consuming ) ways around it. However I'd never seen anyone bring up birth certificates, and it was inspiring to see someone actually questioning the need for a state birth certificate!
Unfortunately, the thread degenerated into the usual anarchist vs. State naysaying, with insinuations of legality and illegality looming around in a manner that I felt was quite threatening in some instances. But, at least it was brought up, and I think the original poster got a decent share of viewpoints from those of us who do consider foregoing birth certificates.
I first came to unassisted birthing out of fear/distrust of the current birth establishment...including, to some degree, traditional midwifery, but as my own political views evolved, I became more firmly entrenched in the idea that home and family is absolutely a place that I do not wish to share with the State. Just as I have chosen, with my partner, to forgo a traditional marriage out of disinterest in sharing our intimacy with the church and State, I also consider doing the same for my children. Meaning, that I do wonder about that need for a birth certificate.
My son presumably has one...no, I've never seen it, and once it was sent back to us for correction, and I can't rightly remember if that was followed through, but in any case, paperwork was turned into the state at the time of his birth that rightly or wrongly filled out was viewed by someone who probably made up something 'official'. We did turn down a social security card, which caused quite a stir at the time.
For a next, I've often thought that I might go without a social security card AND birth certificate. The idea being that I would bring up the lack of paperwork to my child well before he or she would need them for work or driving, and allow him/her to decide if they would like to document themselves with the State. I think the chances are 90% or higher that I will then find myself running around like a chicken with it's neck cut off trying to gather all the government documentation needed for a social security card/birth certificate, BUT at least my child was given the opportunity to choose the level of his or her involvement with the State.
This is really important to me. That I give my child the opportunity to choose. Choice is vital in all of our lives, and I hope that I AM raising my child(ren) such that they are constantly making conscious decisions in the direction of their lives. Meaning that, given the proper information concerning these documents, my child will truly be able to make an educated decision about their necessity for him or her. And, I as the parent will assist that choice in any way I can with my mouth firmly shut as to whether or not I agree with it.
Unfortunately, the thread degenerated into the usual anarchist vs. State naysaying, with insinuations of legality and illegality looming around in a manner that I felt was quite threatening in some instances. But, at least it was brought up, and I think the original poster got a decent share of viewpoints from those of us who do consider foregoing birth certificates.
I first came to unassisted birthing out of fear/distrust of the current birth establishment...including, to some degree, traditional midwifery, but as my own political views evolved, I became more firmly entrenched in the idea that home and family is absolutely a place that I do not wish to share with the State. Just as I have chosen, with my partner, to forgo a traditional marriage out of disinterest in sharing our intimacy with the church and State, I also consider doing the same for my children. Meaning, that I do wonder about that need for a birth certificate.
My son presumably has one...no, I've never seen it, and once it was sent back to us for correction, and I can't rightly remember if that was followed through, but in any case, paperwork was turned into the state at the time of his birth that rightly or wrongly filled out was viewed by someone who probably made up something 'official'. We did turn down a social security card, which caused quite a stir at the time.
For a next, I've often thought that I might go without a social security card AND birth certificate. The idea being that I would bring up the lack of paperwork to my child well before he or she would need them for work or driving, and allow him/her to decide if they would like to document themselves with the State. I think the chances are 90% or higher that I will then find myself running around like a chicken with it's neck cut off trying to gather all the government documentation needed for a social security card/birth certificate, BUT at least my child was given the opportunity to choose the level of his or her involvement with the State.
This is really important to me. That I give my child the opportunity to choose. Choice is vital in all of our lives, and I hope that I AM raising my child(ren) such that they are constantly making conscious decisions in the direction of their lives. Meaning that, given the proper information concerning these documents, my child will truly be able to make an educated decision about their necessity for him or her. And, I as the parent will assist that choice in any way I can with my mouth firmly shut as to whether or not I agree with it.
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